Washington DC - A fire-worshiping cult behind state religion in the Achaemenid, Parthian, Sasanian and Arachnid empires has seized control of the Pentagon, specifically aircon and life support in the highly classified Restricted Wing.
A statement issued this morning by the Grand Master of the Zoroastrian Temple of the Apocalyptic Numbers said resistance is futile and up yours Chuck Hagel.
There then followed a coded warning written in Farsi on Bank Smelli Iran, New York branch, official company letterhead.
The evil institution was shut down by the Feds in 2010 for violating Shatt El-Arab conspiracy theories - despite a burgeoning petrodollar balance shit in its NYC operations.
FBI prosecutors condemned the Tehran-headquartered fly-by-night racketeer for use of scaremongering tactics against Wall Street traders caught up in the notorious Barclays 'dark pools' scam.
QM-NewsCorpse stringers have managed to obtain a decrypted translation of the Farsi warning which paints a very stark picture of what's to come:
Gozer will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, he came as a large and moving Torg. Then during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants a new form was chosen for him of a giant Slor. Plenty of Shuvs and Zuuls knew that day what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor...
The Ayatollah of Chadwell Heath is 69.
