What's Old is New Again--the USS Constitution's Facelift

Written by Smart Blonde Bimbo

Thursday, 26 December 2013

Yep, she needed it.

That floating piece of--um--history started out as an abandoned, shrunken, weathered behemoth measuring an impressive three hundred and four feet from bowsprit to spanker. (Don't ask). There was a budget crunch in 1797, but somebody managed to scrape together the equivalent of over 300,000 us dollars to build her.

It (the ship) didn't grow any bigger. Instead, she sat out in the open without anybody to take care of her, and when they dusted her off and boot-topped her, they tipped her this way and that. Surely they could have drydocked her--but, this is the Navy, before it was the Navy.

But, she's back in service; what with the budget cuts. The Navy spent all of its money on a big, huge Zumwalt class carrier. And she's got a facelift.

To save money, they have decided to park the Zumwalt and use the Constitution. It's sort of like leaving the Expedition at home because of gas prices and taking the Volkswagen stick-shift.

And we waxed the Volkswagen.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Subscribe…
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more