Did Joseph Kennedy want his son killed for his own egomania?

Funny story written by Colorado Joe

Saturday, 16 November 2013

BOSTON--A just-found treasure of diaries, tape recordings, scribblings and notes on napkins from the John F. Kennedy presidential library here has conspiracy theorists involved with the assassination of President John F. Kennedy almost half a century ago abuzz, atwitter and a-networking.

It seems that the assassination might have been authorized by none other than Joseph P. Kennedy Senior, who wanted his son to die a martyr for the Kennedy name-indeed, lots of Kennedy names and namesakes.

And the senior Joseph P. Kennedy did it by urging his son Robert F. Kennedy, President Kennedy's brother and attorney general, to authorize the fatal trip in November, 1963 in which President Kennedy was killed in Dallas, Texas.

According to one tape (whose contents had to be cleaned with an industrial strength Dust-Buster®), "Bobby, you know that Jack (Kennedy) hasn't accomplished much aside from getting the world back from the brink of nuclear war and getting Americans on their way to putting someone on the moon. That's not much of a legacy. I think that Rocky Rockefeller, Barry Goldwater, Dick Nixon or even-heaven forbid, LBJ (then vice president Lyndon B. Johnson)-will win the election in 1965.

"So, Bobby, how do we immortalize JFK and the rest of the Kennedys? We have to do something very drastic" declared Joseph Kennedy in what the director of the Kennedy library described in a voice comparable to Mayor Joe Quimby from the popular TV show The Simpsons.

"No one likes JFK in Texas, Dad," the attorney general is heard to say. The Secret Service have told me that if JFK goes there, something bad is going to happen. Are you suggesting that you want JFK dead?"

"Exactly," replied Joseph Kennedy. "I have contacted the boyfriends, pimps and husbands of JFK's secretaries, stenographers, mistresses, hookers, escort girls, call girls and prostitutes to get their revenge-including some who work for the Mafia. Look at how JFK fools around-it can't fail."

"Then when JFK is gone, it will be up to you to have as many national parks, the space center at Cape Canaveral-wait, make that Cape KENNEDY, Idlewild Airport in New York, any Interstate highway, any school receiving federal funding-named after Jack," continued Joseph Kennedy. "In fact, I even want you to rent some space on Mt. Rushmore in order to start carving his face-perhaps to the right of Abe Lincoln. If that's not possible, buy another mountain in the Black Hills and carve Jack full-figured. Jack is bigger than Washington, Jefferson, Teddy Roosevelt and Abe Lincoln together. Perhaps even Crazy Horse as well."

The monument also spurred Joseph Kennedy to scribble some plans for a Kennedy-themed amusement park to be located somewhere in New England. According to Joseph Kennedy's notes, the park would have a "Lake Kennedy" on which visitors could take rides on replicas of the PT-109, JFK's torpedo boat, which was wrecked by a Japanese destroyer in 1943, or on some of JFK's sailboats including the Victura and the Onemore. A restaurant would serve tea, reflecting the tea parties used to win votes in JFK's political campaigns along with "chowdah". A gift shop would sell postcards, keychains, music boxes and miniature statues of JFK in cedar.

Another conversation made reference to Bobby Kennedy's inability to get along with the vice-president of the United States, Lyndon B. Johnson. "What about LBJ? Won't he become president-that's what the constitution says," commented the younger Kennedy.

"You hate him, don't you," replied Joseph Kennedy. "It is up to you to undermine him. Besides he's a megalomaniac/Macbeth monster. Don't worry about LBJ. He won't last too long as president."

Joseph Kennedy's comment ties in with a related note by Joseph Kennedy to his son Robert which urged the younger Kennedy to take more than a few liberties with a classic work of William Shakespeare. "Be sure to get Macbeth performed at that new fine arts center being planned in Washington DC-the KENNEDY Center, mind you," wrote Joseph Kennedy. "And call it 'MacBAINES' (a reference to LBJ's middle name of Baines). Make Macbeth look like LBJ!! Shakespeare be damned!!"

"And after LBJ flubs, YOU can run for president of the United States!" wrote Joseph Kennedy in a post script.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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