DuPont Circle Branch, Washington DC - (Associated Mess): Senior executives of the Riggs Bank money laundering division have described as 'pathetic' reports that their client-dictator implants in Nigeria have stolen some $380 billion since the country's independence in 1960.
A spokesman for Riggs CEO Jonathan Bush, uncle of the President, has said that piss-poor 60's training schemes are to blame for this 'paltry' effort which is far short of the projected $10 billion in annual scams that was Bank's gold-standard for African Nation States.
Citing the example of their best Latin American customer, Chile's General Augusto Pinochet, Riggs officials are unequivocal that the Dark Continent still has a way to go before it reaches expected targets in extortion, embezzlement, grand larceny and industry-standard white-wash practices for corruption concealment.
And despite massive Riggs' investment in Nigeria's business schools offering post-graduate qualifications in e-mail and fax begging letter scams for illicit foreign exchange transaction management, Nigeria is still lagging behind top African countries like Equatorial New Guinea which has once again been nominated for the annual money laundering Riggs Prize.
However, a Riggs-sponsored Ken Lay Professorship in Enron Studies is being considered for Lagos University's Economics Department next year.
This may prove to be pivotal to the country's future efforts.
