Brooklyn, NY - (Associated Mess): Body-snatching members of the Ancient American Order of the Skull And Bones' Osteoporosis Division are the main suspects behind a spate of thefts which resulted in the disappearance of bones belonging to the veteran broadcaster Alistair Cooke who died in 2004.
Reports indicate that seven undertakers in the NYC area have been arrested and charged with stealing body parts for the transplant trade's embryo-cloning industry.
And some analysts are stating their belief that Cooke's remains may have been the target of aggrieved Bonesmen who are desperate to replicate a cloned version of the late journo to continue pleading their cold-war excuses for the whitewash Warren Commission Report that exonerated their number one string-pulling, JFK-shooting amnesiac George Prescott Bush.
A NYC PD spokesman has commented that the Department is probing Osteoporosis Division Bonesmen following press allegations that the body-snatching racket has been financed by President Bush Senior's brother Jonathan - Chief Executive officer of the Riggs Bank.
"If we find a substantial connection between this corpse scam and the Bushes, this could be the final nail in the coffin for the GOP", the spokesman admitted.