Fighting Healthcare Addiction

Written by Moe Nightwalker

Wednesday, 2 October 2013

It's that time of year when companies ask their employees to sign up for another year of benefits like healthcare and dental care. As the GOP has been discussing, it is easy for Americans to become addicted to "the sugar" of healthcare.

Most employees will accept the benefits and even allow their employer to pay for part of them. These companies, like drug pushers, offer the service at a reduced rate to get the employees hooked. Then, the employees struggle to start their own business because they are addicted to these benefits. Some employees want to retire early, before Medicare kicks in, but they can't break the addiction or afford the care without the company's cheaper rates.

One group, Healthcare Anonymous or HA, has opened offices throughout the US to help fight this terrible problem. "We have no support but we still work tirelessly. We can't even call it a disease because then the addicts try and use their healthcare to help them," explains Mel Wogan, President of HA.

HA uses a seven step process and gets assistance from the very companies causing the addiction. The steps are layoff, sticker shock from Cobra payments, running out of unemployment benefits, getting only part-time jobs or jobs without benefits, acceptance, prayer that nothing happens, and finally using the emergency room for health issues.

Some employees fall back into their employee sponsored benefits after getting rehired. Fortunately for HA, the economic downturn really helped to break the addiction of many people by reducing the rehring rate.

HA expects their work to get much harder with the increased availability and affordability of Obamacare. Romneycare caused the rate of addiction in Massachusetts to rise to a staggering 97%. HA has had to leave Massachusetts. The organization has also abandoned the elderly with their Medicare because the addiction is too strong for a volunteer organization to fight. HA chose not to open international offices despite the 100% addiction in England, Canada, France, and many other countries.

The saddest loss to HA was when Congress gave themselves a healthcare plan which was so addictive that even job loss doesn't prevent them from getting healthcare.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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