Written by KRS

Friday, 16 August 2013

image for The Republican National Committee approves a resolution to block CNN and NBC

On Friday, the Republican National Commissars officially approved a resolution to ban 2016 Presidential Debate moderators employed by any media outlet that has been documented for the vigorous pursuit of truth, asking pertinent and relevant questions demonstrating facility of the germane issues of the day or being impudent and rudely persistent by asking follow-up questions without due reverence.

RNC Chairman, Rance Prius, speaking to his Mother before the vote, said "We're not accepting interrogatories from the liberal media on Primetime TV any more." The vote was conducted during the Summer Meeting of Republicans in Boston. (17) Congressmen present were not able to cast a vote due to not having a valid current government issued photo ID card, as mandated by the hitherto unknown body - a Republican governing body. While the GOP has no shortage of corpses, miscellaneous deadwood, demagogues and MIAs, few Americans would assert that the Republicans could assemble anything remotely appearing like a governing body, other than impaneling a venire for the TV program, "American Idol." Idolatry and the strict adherence to principles devoid of factual basis have become quite fashionable in the GOP in recent years.

Rance Prius cited numerous examples of egregious liberal inclination from past debate moderators. He spoke to reporters today enumerating NBC's extensive and exclusive programming of a liberal Democrat during the Kennedy assassination, inordinate television coverage of a favored Democrat program; NASA, as well as the biased reportage during the Senate Watergate Hearings and the Impeachment hearings of Richard M. Nixon. "As a collective...err I mean unified party, we have decided to remedy the unfair treatment by left wing correspondents of our qualified and upstanding candidates for the highest office in the land," Prius told Greta Van Susteren.

"All future debates will be moderated by one or two commentators, drawn from a pool of relatives, employees or those indebted to our worthy candidates. All questions will be pre-approved by the candidates, as well as earmarking 50% of the questions asked to be posited by each candidate's personal staff/interns. Who is best qualified to answer a complex question than the person that helped formulated it - the candidate themselves? And it will save time, so more questions may be asked during a given debate. No more time will be spent on the not so nimble mental choreography rerouting an answer to a query never considered by the electorate or asked by media proctors. In the past, moderators have sought to embarrass candidates by asking for responses more meaningful than "I have spent my life supporting good government or my public record has consistently reflected my strong opposition to crime, gonorrhea and wombats running wild in the streets of our major metropolitan areas."

Prius told reporters that the resolution and the new guidelines for the conduct of future debates is designed solely to better inform Americans of the policy positions of Republican candidates for the Presidency; "An educated electorate is the supreme reflection of our founding principles; far more important than the frivolous casting of a ballot."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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