Vatican considering Nevada Brothel owner for Sainthood

Funny story written by Spicewood

Friday, 5 July 2013

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The ANSA news agency reported that a commission of cardinals and bishops met Tuesday to consider Brazil's Cardinal Odilo Scherer's case to consider Joe Conforte, founder and retired owner and operator of the famous Nevada brothel, the Mustang Ranch for Sainthood. The idea came to the Cardinal after reading Mr. Conforte's book, Brakes, Brains and Balls, where he proclaims that "I gave more pleasure to more men than anyone in the history of the world," that he was worthy of Sainthood.

The Cardinal stated, "In some ways, he has done so much more than we have."

Conforte fled to Brazil in 1991 ahead of a federal grand jury handing up numerous indictments in 1995 and 1998. Also in the Canonization Proposal, mention was made of his "community service" while in Prison in Carson City.

He ran a casino in the prison which he called "The Bullpen".

"I had my own waiter, a nice old man named Williams. He used to bring me steaks so he could have some spending money, $2 a week. He killed a couple of lawyers in the Washoe County Courthouse, yet I considered him, my friend.

"There was a black kid, he used to get $3 a week for fanning me while I played bridge on hot days, and a guy called Penguin got $3 to bring my bathrobe and slippers after dinner and set up my chair to watch TV."

The Cardinal stated, "Service such as this should be rewarded, and, he is sharing a great deal of his wealth with my church, ah, our church."

By canonizing Mr. Conforte, the Vatican could be exhibiting broader views of conditions in the world. Saint Joe, could be the church's messenger.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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