"Corporation Hunter" Dies As He Lived

Funny story written by John Butler

Wednesday, 6 September 2006

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Michael Moore aka the "Corporation Hunter" died from a mega-rich CEO's bullet through the heart

Los Angeles, America -- Michael Moore died doing what he loved best, getting too close to one of the multi-billionaire CEOs he dedicated his life to hounding.

With an irrepressible, effervescent personality, Moore had been propelled to global fame, becoming known affectionately as the "Corporation Hunter."

The 52-year-old Moore was shot dead 2 days ago by the CEO of Viacom, Sumner N Redstone, while filming a documentary on institutionalised corruption within the media industry.

Confronting Redstone in his office with a harrowing photograph of 6 dead children whose death he claimed Viacom was directly responsible for for some reason, Moore's heart was pierced by a serrated, poisonous bullet that sprang from the gun Redstone had been hiding within his desk.

Pajo Puskas, a friend of Moore's since childhood, said, "I suppose this is how Michael would have wanted to go, deep down I think he had an awareness of how dangerous it is to swim with corporate sharks like Redstone".

"It was extraordinarily bad luck," said Martin Tennyson, a University of Chicago professor of political science. "It's not easy to get shot by a CEO, and to be killed by one is very rare."

News of Moore's death has reverberated around the world, where he won popularity with millions as the man who regularly leaped on the back of huge corporations and grabbed venomous multinational snakes by the tail.

"Crikey!" was his catch phrase, repeated whenever a corporation headquarters security man threatened to evacuate him and his camera crew from company premises.

US President George W. Bush, often a focal point of Moore's vitriol nonetheless acknowledged the deep effect the film maker has had on American society.

The president said, "Michael Moore's blatantly self-righteous populist propaganda made absolutley no impact on redneck conservatives and only served to alienate more subtly-minded, snobbish democrats, thereby increasing Republican votes overall. He will be sorely missed".

Left-wing activists said all the world would feel the loss of Moore, who turned a childhood love of Lenin and Trotsky into a digestible, simplified form of activism everyone could understand.

Although Moore's huge global following cannot be questioned, he has been no stranger to controversy. Last year while interviewing Nike head, Phil Knight, he sparked outrage among child welfare groups after cradling his one-month-old son a metre away from the CEO during a heated exchange over worker exploitation in the third world.

Moore argued there was no danger to his son, and authorities declined to charge him with violating safety regulations.

As well as being a socialist film maker, Moore was a committed conservationist, running a wildlife park for crocodiles and other Australian fauna, including kangaroos, koalas and possums, and using some of his TV wealth to buy tracts of land for use as natural habitat.

The fact that Moore's death was captured on film has opened the debate as to whether footage of his slaying should be broadcast to the public. Television networks (with the exception of FOX) seem reluctant to do this saying it may upset members of Moore's family. Members of Moore's crew argue otherwise however.

Steve Crampton, Moore's cameraman said "As Michael lay dying on the floor trying desperately to capture his breath, he said to me, "Keep the cameras rolling Steve, I want the awful truth to be known".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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