Written by R. Foster

Tuesday, 11 November 2003

THE PENTAGON - Military officials admitted today the experimental use of revolutionary weapons technology in the Iraq war. According to their statement, the weapon has worked successfully in two secret tests and the Pentagon is now ready to release the results to the public.

"It may still be a little early, but we are ready to mass-produce the weapon, and explaining it now would help clear up some questions about the outcome of the war," said Lt. Col. John Harbinger, whose official position is classified.

According technical data released today by the Pentagon, these new "Weapons of Mass Desertion" are designed to completely eradicate governments but leave citizens high and dry.

Harbinger says rather than using explosives, the bomb actually goes back in time and "surgically" erases its target from history.

The weapon was first tested in Afghanistan, then used twice in Iraq, Harbinger said. But its use was kept secret until now, causing many questions to arise regarding why the Taliban, Osama Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, and Iraq's vast arsenal abruptly and mysteriously began failing to exist.

"Technically, they never existed now," Harbinger explained. "But that doesn't mean they weren't always there before they never existed, when we knew about them."

Military sources say the system still has a few bugs in it, but the problems only cause what the Pentagon calls "collateral damage." For example, after deployment, an entire nation, soldiers, and weapons inspectors might experience confusion as the effects of war - such as bombed buildings, casualties, civil anarchy, and interruption of utilities - remain, but the reason for it suddenly no longer has ever existed.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Iraq, Iraq War

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
44 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more