ANN ARBOR, MI--Brian Pollack, a freshman at the University of Michigan, announced today that he was lifting his self-imposed ban on masturbating in the room he shares with fellow freshman Eric Edwards. Sources have confirmed that Pollack's new-found self-assurance stems from his improved grasp on Edwards' habits and class schedule.
"He's always gone between 12:00 and 1:30," Pollack told reporters. "He never misses getting lunch with Karen and those people. Plus, it's Thursday, and I know for a fact he has a two-hour bio lab starting at 2:00, so he'll probably just hang around on the quad for a while until then. I'll be completely fine."
At press, Pollack had been interrupted mid-climax by Edwards, who had gotten an earlier lunch due to a morning class being cancelled.
