Written by Chief Cheese

Wednesday, 1 August 2012

BOSTON (August 1)-Mitt Romney claims he left Bain Capital in 1999, but documents signed by him and filed with the SEC in 2002 disclosed that he was the firm's "sole stockholder, chairman of the board, chief executive officer, and president." This discrepancy has now been explained by Bain's current upper management.

"When Mitt walked out of the office on that Friday in 1999, he just took his pictures off his desk, and left without a word," said Bob Laub, Bain's COO. "On Monday morning, the new President Tim Yenmor went in to Mitt's old office, put his pictures down right where Mitt had them, and took over. He looked very comfortable. I kind of thought he looked like Mitt a little, but I didn't think much of it. Big executives like Mitt often hire people that look like them. It's not uncommon."

"I mean, Mitt hired Tim Yenmor, but come to think of it, we never did see them in the same room at the same time," said Kerry Snowball, VP of Human Resources at Bain. "It was only in 2002 when I looked at both of their official pictures at the same time did I notice that Tim looked exactly like Mitt, just with his hair parted on the opposite side. They were identical!"

Shortly after Tim Yenmor was 'outed', Mitt Romney admitted to the ruse. "We all had a big laugh about it," said Laub. "Mitt finally resigned from the company and we kind of 'washed our hands' of the whole matter. It was 10 years ago, for God's sake. We all kind of forgot about it."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Mitt Romney

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