Illegal Immigration Solution Borders on Genius

Written by TomFoolery

Tuesday, 11 April 2006

image for Illegal Immigration Solution Borders on Genius
Illegals Won't Know If They're Coming or Going

EL PASO, TX (UPI)-U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officials are finalizing plans for a new strategy aimed at resolving the out-of-control illegal immigration dilemma plaguing America's workforce, economy and way of life.

The plan is so simple, so economical, and so diabolical; it's bound to work. Judging from the lack of progress to date, anything is better than US legislators' efforts on the issue. And the added benefits far outshine skeptics mired in logic whose only argument is that it's never been tried before. Not only will illegal immigrants cease to enter the United States illegally; but those already in our midst will be willing and eager to vacate our premises once "Operation Switcheroo" is put in place.

Since most of the illegal immigrants sponging off US taxpayers are Hispanics from "Old May-he-co" to our south who refuse to learn to read, write and speak English, they are expected t o remain totally oblivious to the unleashing of this act of pure genius upon them. The only obstacle to guaranteed success is a logistical one. But volunteers are beating the doors down to participate in an agenda that's genuine American ingenuity.

What "Operation Switcheroo" consists of is merely turning the signs around along the borders that separate the USA from its southern and northern borders. So, if you're in the USA and are facing south, you'd see signs saying things like "Limite de Los Estados Unidos de America" ("US Border") or "Bienvenidos a los EEUU" ("Welcome to the United States"). This takes care of Part 1 of the plan: getting the illegals out of the country. Not only will they leave willingly; they'll be virtually impossible to stop, once they "realize" they hadn't actually made it all the way into the United States after all. And who are we to stop them, once they are on their way to what they are tricked into believing is the USA.

Part 2 of the plan has a two-fold benefit. First, when would-be illegal immigrants from Mexico heading north see signs saying things like "Mexican Border" or "Welcome to Mexico" They'll stop and "realize" they are already in the USA after all, and they'll stay put. Second, and equally important, all those US criminals who routinely seek refuge in Mexico to escape American justice will, before they realize they've been had, unwittingly rush into the waiting arms of US law enforcement officials.

"Operation Switcheroo" has a similar application for the US-Canadian border, but without the same kind of language barrier. Signs facing Canada would say things like "Cheaper Health Care Straight Ahead" and "Come to the land of the REAL Dollar" to lure northern illegals back from whence they came. Conversely, signs facing south toward the US would say things like "Now Entering Canada" and "Come Visit Us, eh!" This will keep unwanted Canadians where they belong and compel would-be draft-dodgers and fleeing drug dealers to rush into the clutches of stood-up military recruiters and anxiously awaiting narcocops.

Once in full swing, "Operation Switcheroo" will become totally self-perpetuating, thus freeing Border Patrol agents from their previously overburdening responsibilities of attempting to locate and capture illegals attempting to sneak across our borders. Their principle occupation will become that of watchdogs to ensure no one pulls a "switchback" on "Operation Switcheroo."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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