Having had a long conversation with the ghost of Mitt Romney's female dog Seamus, Rick Santorum switched positions on women's rights and decided to support all rights for women including: birth control, abortion, family planning, Obama care, lipstick, mascara, thongs, high heels, bikinis, tampons, nail polish, higher education, pantsuits, and intends to introduce an amendment proclaiming that women will be recognized as the head of households.
Seamus presented a compelling argument: "A male dog would never have been strapped on top of that station wagon for a twelve hour ride from hell. Who the cats did Willard think he was? That being said, and now he wants to do the same thing to women?"
Recognizing the wisdom of Seamus' remarks, Santorum made the fast switch, presenting a position more left than Obama. He also had a vest burning ceremony in the center of an Occupy Wall Street group.
"Those vests made you look sillier than Lassie smoking a pipe."
With Santorum passing him in polls, Romney quickly managed another Romney flip-a-dippy-do. Standing on a platform with one hand resting on the hip of his bespoke Savile Row jeans, the other holding a microphone with a gloved hand, Romney announced that Seamus talked to him first.
Romney didn't hear Seamus because he had fifty dollar bills stuffed into each ear, drowning out the rock band hired to perform for his sons' breakfast. So what? He's made lots of money, hangs out with billionaires, owned Seamus, and Santorum can't use his dog's advice.
Romney recognized the wisdom of Seamus's words, and though he wasn't attempting to strap all women onto the rooftops of Cadillacs or Buicks, (like some dumb back-stabbing mongrel bitch) he was now indeed for women's rights.
Vote for him. He was the expert on the economy. He would restore the economy. And would you send his campaign some money, as his campaign was running out of money? "Once elected, voters will have kobe beef everyday with a bottle of Dom Perignon from Walmart."
The ghost of Seamus appeared to the Obama dog, Bo. "I just gave you a twofer."
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