Target Human - Solving America's and China's Largest Problems

Funny story written by jessica w

Wednesday, 28 December 2011

WASHINGTON D.C. Americans are frustrated. China is overpopulated. It looks like there is finally a solution to both of those problems.

In recent weeks, President Obama and his staff have been talking secretly with Hu Jintau and other Chinese leaders, carefully working out a simple solution to both crippling issues.

Target Human is a new travel program in which frustrated Americans can travel to China and hunt humans. Not only will this release tension, it will also thin out the heard.

Target Human is similar to a birthright trip and is completely free, with the exception of spending money, to the traveler. Rather than heritage, the qualifying factors will be related to economic status, employment history, and the highest level of education completed by the applicant.

Though it is highly probable that the chosen few to make this pilgrimage are college educated and unemployed for at least a year, each hopeful will be looked at individually and has a chance to qualify. All interested parties over 18 years old are encouraged to apply.

The traveling groups will be small since it is hard to keep track of large amounts of people carrying fire arms in such a densely populated area. The goal here is not to wipe out the Chinese population in its entirety, thus there will never be more than one group traveling at a time. As of now, it looks like 10 people will be selected and the trips will take place no more than four times annually.

For the first time in history, 98% of the world's organizations are horrified by this program and coming together for demonstrations, protests, and petitions . The outrage results in delays for Target Human. As of now, applicants can start sending in materials beginning April 2013, though that date has yet to be confirmed.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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