Riding on the coattails of recent developments in the ongoing debate over Intelligent Design, many schools across the nation are moving to ban intelligent thought in the classroom.
"The kids these days are thinking for themselves too much and it's disruptive to our teachers" says Borin Duffus, president of the local chapter of the American Teachers Association in Boston. "Most of our school faculties are staffed by teachers and educators who were taught liberal socialist values in college by left wing professors, they simply aren't prepared to answer the flood of intelligent questions today's better informed youth ask during the course of the school day".
Mary Bingham, a second grade teacher at Putnip Elementary school in Cleveland, arrives to school 30 minutes earlier than she did last year so that she can sit in the parking lot meditating and chanting self-affirmation phrases to her self. "The stress is nearly overwhelming, you have no idea. I used to be able to answer impromptu questions with standard scripted responses, but the kids see right through it now", she explains. "For instance, it used to suffice when a child asked why we are at war with Iraq to simply say ‘because Bush is an idiot', but now they ask follow-up questions like ‘how can an idiot earn an MBA from Yale'? Or maybe they'll say something like ‘so you think the Iraqi people are less deserving of freedom than you and I?' I'm at a loss as to how I should respond now!"
Teachers unions, college professors and all Democrats in both houses support the ban on intelligent thought saying that without it, America's educational system, as well as the Democratic Party will crumble and fall. "The American people have enjoyed a long period of irrational thought and freedom of logic, we need to fight to keep that liberty for all students" says Carol Stuper, political professor at the UCLA. "It shouldn't matter that there is no example of a successful communist or socialist nation, it should still be taught as an utopian form of society. Sure, it doesn't really work and it keeps the poor and under privileged from ever achieving anything more than a mediocre life, but it sounds so good on paper".
On the political side, Democrats in Congress and the Senate strongly support a ban on intelligent thought and want to expand the ban to cover the press and the media, seeing it as the only hope to preserve their party. "We're the smart ones and the Republicans are the stupid ones, we shouldn't have to back that up with facts" says Hillary Clinton, "Sure, our policies and ideas don't work in the real world, but they shouldn't have too, as long as we're in charge of things. Supporters of intelligent thought are just mean, intolerant people".
Other prominent Democrats take issue with popular radio talk shows and internet sites that call into question the many stupid statements made each day by Democratic Lawmakers. "We shouldn't have to watch every word we say in order to make sure it makes sense or doesn't contradict something we've said in the past, people should just accept what we say" Says John Kerry, loser of the last presidential election and most criticized liberal by intelligent thinkers. "People should listen to me, because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, I'm handsome enough, and gosh darn it, people like me!"
A ban on intelligent thought in the education system will have little to no effect on most schools current curriculum, but it will help keep out anything that might disrupt the status quo. It will however put new rules in place for the students. Teachers will be able to identify students whose questions are too difficult to answer, or that require more than a "because that's how it is" answer, and those students will be banned from speaking, under the threat of suspension and even expulsion for repeat offenders.
