Written by IainB

Sunday, 26 June 2011

image for Scouts attempt to enter the record books
Artist's impression of a scout as he enters Scottish Cyberspace

The 3.14159th scout troupe from Lytham St Annes in Blackpool are attempting to get into the record books by circumnavigating Google.

"We're planning on starting with all the sites in the UK," said trope leader, Arthur "Clover" Garlic. "We'll visit every site between here and Australian and back again."

Currently, there doesn't seem to be any problems, although the boys and girls in the group might struggle as they attempt to visit the pages behind the Great Firewall of China.

"We've heard that a lot of sites in China are not available to people not in China," said Garlic. "However, a couple of the kids have been in trouble with the FBI for visiting pages at the Pentagon they shouldn't have. We don't think that the Great Firewall will pose much of an issue."

The main barrier to the circumnavigation will be the language barrier.

"Our only hope is that there are sufficient pages in each country that we can read," said Garlic. "We have a handful of languages in the troop, Hindi, Urdu, Spanish, Polish, German and one or two of them speak English. This should get us through most pages. We will struggle in the Arabic and Oriental sites though. Some of those aren't even left to right!"

With the scouts working in teams of four for eight hours a day, it is still expected to take a long time.

"Put it this way," said Garlic, "we're leaving the porn sites until the end, as this way all those pre-teenagers will be in their forties, and legal to look at them by then."

The scouts themselves are quite looking forward to learning the condensed wisdom of the entire human race. "It's going to be the best thing in the world, ever!" said Jenny Spinning, one of the troopers.

Google UK's Head of Operations, Brian Britton, believes the enterprise is doomed to failure. "In the UK alone, there are in the order of a hundred and fifty million web sites," he said. "If you read a site a minute, that would still take two hundred and eighty six years. Plus, five million web sites are added every year. They're not going to get beyond the UK, never mind the rest of the world."

Garlic is unfazed. "Oh he of little faith," he said. "He is underestimating the ingenuity of the scout movement."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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