Insanesburys asked to snoop for Government

Written by queen mudder

Monday, 13 June 2011

image for Insanesburys asked to snoop for Government
Supermarket CCTVs will be trained on the 'Basketcase Only' queues

London - A major UK supermarket chain is to spy on carers 'that the government may not know about' a red top report says today.

Leading supermarket chain Insanesburys' staff will root out these off-the-radar individuals who have evaded Big Brother's database.

Staff are to be trained in advanced espionage techniques with 'smart trolleys' and 'basket-cases' cross-referencing official carer lists.

The move follows reports that NHS staff are to be trained to identify Al Qaeda wannabes who may have escaped MI5's trawl.

Surveillance of shoppers 'for their own good' hopes to catch anybody shopping for a neighbor that the government doesn't yet know about.

Once identified suspects will be directed to a BOGOF stand offering cut price deals on outing the infirm who eschew being part of the 'we're all innit, together' campaign.

Not everybody is welcoming the development, however.

Worried Tooting pensioner Mrs Ida Whelk told reporters at lunchtime that local store cashiers have trouble recognising a carrot - 'never mind an unpaid carer'.

"Besides, if they can't even prevent rogue trolley pushers in the 'Basketcase Only' queue how will they know Osama Bin Laden's granny needs some help with the bloody washing up?" Mrs Whelk complained.

A rival scheme at Tossco will be rolled out in time for Christmas.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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