Written by Duff

Monday, 9 May 2011

image for Channel 4's Countdown In A Tizz Over Rising Hemlines
Phowarrr! Errr...no...erm...sorry. Is this kind of thing setting a bad example and causing mayhem?

TV watchdogs are today putting their foot down with a heavy hand and bringing to book Channel 4's daily word quiz, Countdown. It seems that the bird who puts the letters and numbers on the board, Rachel Riley, is causing coronaries throughout the land, particularly among male OAPs, and all because of the skimpy skirts she frequently wears on-camera.

But Rachel, who took over from bint brain-box Carol Voderman a while ago, is a big hit with the younger male viewers and the broadcaster is bracing itself for a tidal wave of complaints should Rachel (36-24-36) be banned from showing a bit of leg during the show.

Bespectacled, lank-haired and dowdy Ms. Julia Carruthers (20-46-15) speaking on behalf of OFCOM made the following statement. "It's not how Rachel looks that we object to. Far from it actually. No, it's just that we believe her ability to do her job must inevitably be impaired by the drafts she must feel in the studio, and furthermore we feel that a good sensible tweed twin-set would improve and generally sharpen up her mathematical abilities considerably, and thus set a better example for any younger viewers etc."

Rachel's co-host, Jeff Stelling (2-4-6-8 Motorway) was seen on the Countdown set with a face like a wet weekend earlier today. A show insider said. "Jeff's only there for the totty and if Rachel's banned from wearing her mini skirts I think we'll see him quit the show before the end of the summer."

In a written answer to a question in parliament yesterday, the Health Secretary confirmed that paramedic activity and admissions to hospital A&E departments have been increasing significantly between the hours of 3-30 and 4-45 on weekday afternoons in the past 12 months.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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