Research shows anarchists would not last one second in anarchy

Funny story written by Jack Melling

Sunday, 27 March 2011

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New research done by Anarchist Research in Social Evolution (ARSE) has exclusively revealed that anarchists would not last if anarchy took over the UK.

The research commissioned by ARSE showed that, if anarchy did take over the country, the lawlessness and disorder that comes with it would mean that anarchists would be swiftly eradicated.

Looking at the findings in greater depth it appears that under anarchy things that the anarchists use regularly in their fight for "greater freedom" would be useless. Unfortunately for them cans of spray paint and smoke bombs would be no match for automatic weapons used by others to defend themselves in the state of lawlessness and disorder.

Moreover all the windows of buildings would be smashed in the anarchist revolution so they wouldn't have anything to do. Also under the reign of anarchy the internet would be down, therefore the anarchists wouldn't have anyway to communicate their meetings or plans for world domination.

A researcher on the ARSE study said, "Anarchists want anarchy but unfortunately if this did happen they would be fucked. Others would find better weapons and probably kill them in a state of panic and fear."

"However, more importantly, anarchists would have nothing to fight against under the reign of anarchy and their purpose in life would therefore be more meaningless than it was before. According to our research, this would eventually lead to them fighting against each other, probably chucking their own faeces at each other when their gay little paint and smoke bombs run out."

"Basically anarchists are pussies, so if lawlessness did break out, other groups of people, who are a lot harder and have more to live for, would step up and fuck them over. Overall, anarchists should be happy living in a democracy where they make their voice heard once in a while by smashing a few windows and spraying graffiti, but ultimately don't get annihilated like they would do in anarchy."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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