Written by LisaPisa

Friday, 25 March 2011

image for Local Albino complains about stuff

A local albino from the community has been complaining about practically everything he sees or hears lately.

Larry Smith has become a hateful bastard, regularly calling into local radio talk shows or writing letters in the local rags about what he sees as 'injustices'.

"I don't like cats", he said yesterday morning on CUNT FM, "I don't like the way they purr".

"I also can't stand the way knitting needles clack. And you don't see enough garden gnomes these days".

Larry went on to add that park benches are too hard for his delicate bottom and that he hates the way flags make noise when the wind blows.

Larry - who was once mistaken for a snowman in Ipswich in 1983 - wrote a letter to The Daily Snob newspaper in which he complained that there wasn't enough Corn Flakes in his breakfast bowl.

In solidarity, the newspaper began a campaign the following day calling for an end to 'this disgraceful debacle'.

Typically, Larry complained that the newspaper's campaign was "not large enough" and "didn't feature any pictures spoons" and that it "didn't sound right".

And then he told them to "fuck off!"
"Fuck off and die in a way that doesn't make me want to moan about it"

Since this story has gone to press, Larry has complained that his piss is too warm, that the dictionary features too many 'F' words and that not enough people know how to play charades properly.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Local

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
42 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more