The newly elected Blueshirt/Stalinist government in Ireland has been proudly displaying their new cabinet today.
Weak legs, a body full of woodlice and chipped all over, Fine Gael leader Enda Kenny said the plywood furniture perfectly suited his party in government.
True to from, the cabinet will be used to store Fine Gael's collection of wooden spoons which they will eventually distribute to every family in Ireland over the coming years.
"We're not heartless bastards. They should at least have something to eat their gruel with", said a smirking, inane Kenny.
But not everyone was satisfied.
Squire Simon Coveney, the new minister for Entitlement and Smugness, took time out from dirtying his shiny buckled boots by mingling with the commoner's to make a statement from his yacht about the new cabinet arrangements:
"I would have preferred a Chippendale one....especially the kind that takes their shirts off and rub their knobs in my face....", he remarked as he prepared to set sail.