Isle of Wight News - No casualties after Snow Plough Rampage

Funny story written by IainB

Tuesday, 22 February 2011

image for Isle of Wight News - No casualties after Snow Plough Rampage
Snow is dangerous. Please do not touch.

The snow plough that was being taken from Newport to Ryde over the weekend fortunately saw no casualties during its eight hour rampage down the A3054.

Witnesses doing a spot of late night shopping at Tesco say that they saw the fifteen ton bright yellow machine careering down past Whippingham and hurtling across Wootton Bridge heading toward Binstead.

"I was feared for my life," said Mavis Davies, 62 and resident of Wootton Bridge for seventy-five years. "I barely got across the road in time on me Zimmer frame as it bore down on me."

Council leaders in Newport have said that the snow plough was being moved to Ryde in anticipation of a local snowstorm expected to hit the port on Thursday.
"The Met office informed us of a localised snow storm of up to twenty centimetres over Ryde later in the week," said council leader Matt Carnivore, 12. "We thought it prudent to send the plough. We are investigating which council employee drove it there given the alarming reports of speeds of nearly fifteen miles an hour."

The Isle of Wight news has heard from a source within the council that the snow plough had been taken by Larry Jittus, who was banned from driving in 1973 for reckless endangerment when he did a wheelie on his Chopper past an old people's home aged thirteen.

"It's terrible that they're letting these lunatics loose on the streets," said Mrs Davies. "What next? A serial killer at Ryde medical centre? A blockade of Cowes by French protestors? What's the world coming to?"

The Isle of Wight News does not condone the use of French protestors to blockade a port. Trucks are more effective.

Larry Jittus denies causing fear by dangerous driving.

"I did take the plough," he admitted, "but I never hurtled. It took me seven hours to get the bloody thing to Ryde. I can go faster on my Chopper."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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