Written by j.w.

Saturday, 19 February 2011

image for Grantham's World Record
Hottest Chilli in the World

The Lincolnshire town of Grantham, famed for being the town that produced Margaret Thatcher, has produced something even more indigestible.

Grantham has now brought forth the hottest chilli in the world, as judged by the Guinness Book of Records. Former RAF worker, Nick Woods, 39, who has been trying for five years to win the record said today: 'It was quite a contest. My firm Fire Foods has come top and we expect massive sales as a result.'

However, the Mayor of Grantham, Alderman Barry Clod, is not pleased with the image the town is getting. 'First an unturnable Iron Lady, now an uneatable hot chilli. Why can't we keep out of the limelight and just get on with our lives without these distractions?'

'Clod's clueless' responded Nick Woods hot with indignation 'uneatable chilli! It is the spice that keeps the world moving. It enlivens food and kills any taste you like. What could be better?'

Clod was unimpressed. 'When I accepted high office in this sleppy backward nondescript town I did not expect media attention to upset us all. Woods should take his chilli and stuff up his arse. Then he might understand the meaning of heartburn!'

This undignified quarrel was stopped by Lady Thatcher. 'I will knock some sense into you two' she cried and slapped them down with her handbag 'Grantham will always be remembered because of me. I will not have you quarrelling like this. Just behave yourselves!'

Nick Woods has now decided to grow chives instead of chilli next year.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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