Written by Nae mair crap

Tuesday, 15 February 2011

image for Eric Pickles a deep pan pizza in a suit
Eric is never in a Pickle, he just loves to eat them

It is his mission to cut hard and cut often. He will search out every corner of his department and he will be savage. Nothing is safe from his beady eyes.

The Right Honourable, Eric Pickles, MP, UK Local Government and Communities Secretary, a rotund and jolly fellow always has a smile on his face. The smile, disguises his mission to save, and when he is done, no one else is laughing.

Scrolling through his spreadsheets, Eric, notices expenditure of over seven grand on pens, jumps out of bed and texts his PPS, "memo to all Office Mangers, no more pens to be ordered. Get them all in by 8 am and no overtime, goodnight!"

Eric bounces into his office in Whitehall, bright and early, stopping off to pick up his usual order of a dozen doughnuts from the bakers. He is happy today.

"Today's Pickle Proclamation" he smiles, "you may only order one type of pen. This will save thousands in this department, hundreds of thousands over all departments. Waste is not in our vocabulary, is it?"

Poor Eric, he still has not seen the morning news. 7000 computers bought for MP's and peers over the past five years. That's 5 each Eric! Worse is to follow. They are all going to get an iPad.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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