London - (Premature Exacerbation Mess): She was to have sung 'Hound Dog' for Monday's Daily Smrearer-sponsored ceremony in front of Charles and Camilla.
But an emergency check-up on a sore throat has found a cluster of laryngeal condylomata acuminata.
How they got there is a mystery: SuBo, after all, swears blind she is still virgo intacta.
"Must have blown in on the wind, then," Royal Freak Hospital consultant gastropubenterologist Professor Einstein Flintstone diagnosed today.
While not exactly life-threatening the condition can only be dealt with by judicious shot-blasting with a medical scatter-gun.
SuBo's live performance will now be replaced by a video of her smash-hit exercise routine video where she jigs about in a series of fetching lurex leotards.
Cheryl Cole is 69.