Emergency services were alerted by radio from the troubled nuclear submersible HMS Astute this morning, but soon after all contact with the submarine crew was lost.
Upon approaching the stricken vessel it was noticed that it was listing with no one aboard.
The would be rescuers spoke with the Skye islanders in an effort to ascertain the whereabouts of the crew and it was then they discovered that every single last one of the nuclear submarines staff had already been consumed by the hard up island folk in an effort to supplement their dwindling food supply.
'What's all the fuss about?' said one bemused island dweller 'We have been eating tourists for years and no one said anything, we thought you knew about it. Why else do you advertise this place a tourist trap?'