Pope Benedict XVIIIMD has returned to Vatican City in the centre of Rome after a successful four day trip to the UK, however Scotland Yard in the UK are left wondering what happened to several important items including art-works, the Crown Jewels and Mohamed al-Fayed's toupee.
"We cannot believe that the Pope took them," said Detective Inspector Phil Inns of the Met, "but it is a possibility we have to look into."
Each of the missing items went missing from locations visited by the pope on each stage of his four day visit.
"In Glasgow, a rather rare fourth century pottery amphora went missing. It depicted one of the earliest pornographic scenes involving animals," Inns said. "Whilst in London the Crown Jewels went missing. Both thefts coincided with the Pope's visiting those areas. Obviously, it can't have been the pope, but we are investigating the possibility of a thief using the Pope's visit as a distraction to commit the thefts."
Since the announcement, many ordinary people have come forward with odd thefts.
"After the Pope came down my street," said Duncan Baybees, "my microwave went missing. I'm saying it was the Pope, but he must be wearing that baggy dress for a reason."
The Hilton hotel chain, in which the Pope stayed for each night of his trip has grudgingly admitted that several items were missing from the Pontiff's room.
"Every bath robe has gone," said hotel manager Yuri Trubble. "As have the bedsheets complete with the bed and the shower fitting. We are also missing some carpet. And the curtains. We assumed his people took it, as now the Pope has touched these things, they have become holy relics."
The Pope's bags were not checked on his departure from the UK, and his excess baggage of thirty-three thousand pound was waived, as he had not brought his wallet.
Britain has no extradition treaty with Vatican City.