London - (Holy Shit! Mess): The authorities said today they'd be taking no chances as the papal freakshow advance party rolled into town.
Thousand of specialist child protection officials will be mingling with the crowds on Saturday amid reports of an expected 3,500 minors attending the sell-out event.
The cherry-picked youngsters are deemed to be at very high risk of dirty cassock shenanigans as the EU's chief devil-dodger officiates in an open air ceremony.
Meanwhile Royal Parks Agency officials refused to be drawn into the latest controversy surrounding the papal visit.
Their management of Hyde Park stipulates that known sex offenders and other criminals are banned from the Crown Estate's lush green acres.
Police think the bylaws may have been 'bent' - "much like the Pope and the Vatican itself" - because of an impending mass baptism in the Park's Diana Princess of Wales Memorial Fountain.
Gary Glitter is 69.
