Toddler Plans Shenanigans At Cambridge

Funny story written by Ellis Ian Fields

Monday, 6 September 2010

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A toddler who has won a place at Cambridge University is planning to have a wild time.

Little Aloysius Motherboard, aged two-and-a-quarter, will begin his studies in fingerpainting, numbers and astrophysics, in October.

But unlike his fellow juvenile undergraduate Arran Fernandez, Al plans to live it up while he's at uni. The boys are the youngest Cambridge students since William Pitt the The Younger went up nearly 250 years ago.

15-year-old Arran - who will study maths at Fitzwilliam College - said last week that he would not go in for the traditional student lifestyle.

"I don't feel I'm missing too much... even if I was 18 I wouldn't want to go out drinking." He will be living in digs with his father.

But toddler Al is looking forward to the wild life: "You better believe it... I'm going to get utterly bladdered, specially at weekends. And watch out girls - Al The Stud is coming for you!"

Al's proud parents, Phyllida and Montmorency, are pleased that the youngster will have the full student experience. "I'm so proud of him," said mum. "We hope he will be holding down a job in the city by his seventh birthday. After travelling, of course."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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