Jacqui: the Naked Truth

Funny story written by j.w.

Monday, 2 August 2010

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Jacqui speaks her mind

Jacqui Smith, the former Home Secretary and former M.P. is heading for the limelight again. This time she is becoming controller of both the BBC and Channel 5 - AT THE SAME TIME!

The two channels are expected to merge as a result and the whole BBC operation will be moving to Lancashire, although the exact location is a closely guarded secret.

In an exclusive interview with me Jacqui told of the trouble she has seen recently. 'First my friend Gordon gave me the heave ho and then the electorate followed suit. It was really tough. But, now I am bouncing back with two jobs. I had two homes now two jobs - it makes sense.'

I asked Jacqui about the merger between the BBC and Channel 5, asking what the reasoning was behind the move. 'I was in the running for both jobs and felt I couldn't let either of them down.This was the obvious solutiuon.'

'And why move from London?'

'It made economic sense and there is too much London-centred media at the moment.'

I asked how anyone could be persuaded to watch anything Channel 5 produced. 'There will be cross fertilisation' she told me, with a visionary look in her eye 'I will see Channel 5 get off the ground. It has never had a real opportunity to shine.'

'But what will the BBC get out of this?' I queried.

'It will be bigger. There will be more talent available.'

'And advertising?'

'The BBC already does almost as much advertising as Channel 4. It just advertises itself incessantly. Now Channel 5 can advertise itself as well. We will be approaching the Coalition Government for the production of Big Society advertisements, stressing the voluntary aspect of this bold policy.'

'Have you a name for this new media outlet?'

'A friend of mine suggested Jacqui's News, but I felt that was a little arrognant. I suggested The Smith 5 would be better but the BBC were not happy, so The Smith & Beeb 5 Show it is.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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