Written by Bertram Chapley

Wednesday, 13 April 2005

image for Chancellor in Hologram Shock
Gordon Today

In a further twist to the Election 2005 Chancellor Gordon Brown has today announced that he is in fact a hologram and has been since the 1992 election and what is more has no intentions in relinquishing his hologram status either before or after the election.

Prime minister Tony Brown (no relative) has put all 43 stone of his weight behind the Iron Chancellor. "It is not what a man is but what he can do and Gordon is a great asset to Great Britain" said the PM during a darts match in Dagenham last night. Political commentators believe that an endorsement of Mr. Brown could be seen as a faux pas or even a petit pois and some of the more seasoned experts are mentioning mange tout.

Several Tory front bench, shadow cabinet and other woodwork related MP's are calling for his resignation but the Chancellor remains steadfast and resolute and is hoping that in his own words "like a fart in an open field" blows away without causing any damage. He is hoping that during the last few weeks of the campaign the revelation will be forgotten but according to a recent Pole "Jeœli zwykle szukasz stron w konkretnych jêzykach, mo¿esz zapisaæ tê opcjê jako domyœln¹ opcjê szukania na stronie"

Both Mr. Brown and Mr. Brown have questioned the make up of certain Tories in the past and everyone can remember the photographs of Oliver Letwin leaving the Enfield branch of Quik Fit after having some work carried out on himself.

This latest bombshell comes on the back of revelations in recent days that Geoff Hoon is in fact a cat and Jack Straw is a type DR200 Mark 6 droid. This coupled with another reference to the Red Dwarf (Robin Cook) is seen as a push to the left this being confirmed in a statement by Mr Cook at a rally in the New Forrest last week.

"It's just a jump to the left and then a step to the right with your hands on your hips you bring your knees in tight but it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane, let's do the Time Warp again!" he said in front of a noisy crowd of three.

The rally was incidentally won by Bert Dougal in a works Ford Escort.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Gordon Brown

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