Anna Chapman Debriefed On The Isle of Wight Says Brading Nature Rambler

Funny story written by Erskin Quint

Thursday, 22 July 2010

image for Anna Chapman Debriefed On The Isle of Wight Says Brading Nature Rambler
An Internet User Reconstructs Anna From A Photograph of Her In Her Panties Yesterday

Flame-haired femme fatale Anna Chapman, the Russian spy whose saucy Facebook images adorned the front page of the New York Daily News after she was arrested by US authorities, might have been debriefed on the Isle of Wight, writes Espionage Erotica Editor, Lance Honeytrap-Banger.

The discovery of Anna's used underwear on the Isle of Wight's west coast has left the hitherto-tranquil backwater reeling in disbelief and shock. "We're reeling in disbelief", said flabbergasted Nicholas Smalls, 47, the Brading National Trust volunteer who picked up the discarded panties from the woodland floor while he was planning a nature ramble through Borthwood Copse near Sandown. "We're also shocked, and flabbergasted. We're reeling."

Smalls was researching the route of a forthcoming guided walk, and had made his way to the famous viewpoint that affords a glimpse through the trees of the chalk cliffs of Culver Down, when he spied the delicate knickers draped over the giant gnarled knuckled roots of an ancient oak.

"I was struck at once by the tender, frail delicacy of the panties", an obviously still-stunned Mr Smalls told us. "Their fragility, the way they were draped, inside out, across the roots. The manner in which they were exposed.

"The contrast between their tender intimacy and the thrusting, pulsating, brutal urgency of the oak-roots was utterly moving. I was transfixed by their damaged, yielding vulnerability.

"I was moved to take them up, gently, in my hands. That they had obviously been worn did not disgust me. It only made me think of the young woman whose secret parts they had enclosed. Straight away I thought of Anna Chapman. I examined the panties, and they seemed to encapsulate all the pathos of her story.

"This very personal item of clothing, soiled by the earth as much as by the troubled young girl's body, sent a plethora of feelings coursing through my veins, as I stood looking out to Culver Down. Intensely affected, I tried to imagine how she must have been feeling, before she removed her panties, while she was taking them off, and after she had removed them. Had she been forced to undress in this way? I thought of Anna Chapman's superficial sophistication and fame. As I twisted and rubbed the pale fabric of the panties, I felt that I truly knew the real Anna, the vulnerable girl behind the glamorous public persona.

"I took the knickers home. That night my sister Gussie was out visiting her dominatrix in Godshill. I turned on my computer, disturbed as never before at what I might be about to prove. My breath came in rough pants. I was sweating. For there she was. Among the many images I have downloaded of Anna, are a large number of copies of the photograph she took of herself in a bathroom mirror, dressed only in a pair of panties."

The shock - not to mention the excitement - of Nicholas Smalls was plain to behold. His breathing grew heavier and his voice more hoarse as he neared the climax of his tale.

"There she stood in the photograph. Her honey-hued flesh in stark contrast to the delicate pastel shade of her panties. White panties, high cut, soft and delicate. The very panties that were smoothed-out over my lap!"

Coltishly sexy stunning SOHO super-spy Anna - nee Kushchenko - whose girlish glamour was spread all over the world's media, was deported from the USA in a swap deal involving nine other Russian agents and four from the US.

Anna famously posed in a variety of states of undress for her Facebook page, and her elfin face and firm young body were all over the TV and internet as well as the newspapers as her brief candle of fame burned red-hot.

But it has been a case of "out, brief candle" for willowy Anna since her arrest and deportation. The biggest spy swap since the Cold War has seen lovely Anna, along with her nine colleagues, disappear off the media radar altogether after they were despatched into deepest Russia.

It's commonly been surmised that Anna - whose shockingly-sexy tresses have stimulated her nickname of the "redhead under the bed" - has been debriefed at a special Russian secret service compound after she was taken to Foreign Intelligence Service headquarters in Yasenevo outside Moscow immediately after landing in the spy-swap plane.

But these theories are facing a new challenge, from the tranquil shores of the Isle of Wight, where a sharp-eyed National Trust volunteer with a huge collection of downloaded internet images and a pair of white panties has got his hands on some new, not-so-fresh evidence of the personal reality behind Anna Chapman's glamorous rise and fall.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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