Little Jemimah Fuddlepuck of West Wittering was inconsolable this morning following the 'liberation' of her pet rabbit 'Willy Bonka' by animal rights activists.
Jemimah went out into the back garden to give the rabbit some oats only to find the hutch door open and Willy Bonka gone. Further inspection uncovered a letter, left in the hutch. It read:
"We have set your rabbit free. Rabbits are wild animals what don't deserve to be kept in cages. Do not be upset, because your rabbit will now be free to run in the fields, and live in a hole and eat grass, and breathe fresh air like what rabbits should."
Jemimah was distraught, and her dad, Freddie was absolutely livid. He told us:
"What kind of knobhead would do this? My little girl is heartbroken. She's been crying her eyes out all day over this. As for liberating Willy Bonka - that's just bollocks that is. The rabbit was a big fat fluffy white thing who was born and bred in captivity. He wouldn't have a clue how to survive in the wild. He's nine years old and he couldn't bloody run if his life depended on it. He won't last five minutes in the wild. Even wild rabbits rarely live longer than three years, and he was nine. If I get my hands on the bastard that did this to my little girl and her pet, I'll wring his fucking neck!"
We asked an animal rights activist what he thought about the situation, but he was too busy releasing liberated minks into the wild.
So that they can decimate the indigenous wildlife.
More as we get it.
