Ozone Depletion Causing More Havoc

Funny story written by Leddy

Friday, 9 July 2010

A recent discovery has exposed more chemical toxins adding to the air pollution over our nation's largest cities. As the ozone layer weakens allowing more UV radiation to penetrate our atmosphere, common man-made products are starting to break down chemically and emit deadly airborne pathogens.

The latest of these common man-made products to be added to the list of deadly air pollutants is asphalt. Asphalt contains a petroleum based chemical named Salydie 147, which under normal conditions is harmless in Asphalt. However, when exposed to high levels of UV radiation from the sun, Salydie 147, goes through a chemical metamorphosis and becomes Salydead 2B9, a deadly atomized aerosol thats 1000 times more destructive to the ozone than if all the gasoline internal combustion engines in the world were running at the sametime. Increased levels of UV radiation has also had an effect on common man-made items found around the home, such as plastic.

Miles Hyensky, toxicologist at the Ozone Research Center (ORC.) in St. George, Utah had the following to say about common household plastic and the effects of prolong UV radiation exposure.

"Common household plastic used to be a harmless item to have around the house but not anymore. With today's depleted ozone layer letting in even more potentially harmful UV radiation, even a plastic flower pot sitting in a window sill can be effected and metamorphosis can take place causing toxic airborne pathogens to be emitted throughout the home.

"These atomized gases are invisible and odorless to the senses but exposure for even the shortest periods of time can cause headaches, eye irritation, nasal congestion, runny nose and irritability. Apparently, we're caught up in a vicious cycle, as our ozone depletes letting in higher and higher levels of UV radiation and more and more man-made products break down chemically and emit atomized toxic gases that pollute our air-supply even more, there seems to be little hope that life on our planet will survive much more than a few decades."

UV40, a bill set before congress to have everything man-made inspected for UV radiation metamorphosis has failed to pass in the house 99 to 1.

Senator, Bill Miser (Independent) NY. stated the following when asked why he voted down bill UV40.

"Though we here in congress are deeply concerned about the ozone and our depleting air-supply, too many of us here in government have billions of dollars invested in the stock market and man-made commodities. A bill such as UV40 would cripple production here in the Untied States and I and my colleagues here on Capitol Hill would lose everything!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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