The ex Chief Secretary to the Treasury and reported to soon be ex MP for Yeovil is alleged to have refused the offer of a pot plant for his now old new office. In fact, he abolished the purchase of pot plants at the Treasury.
Treasury officials must now look out of the windows if they want to enjoy nature. The windows on Government offices are cleaned, under contract, by Des Fabuleux Fenetres Francais. Rather, were as the contractor Edmund Slackbladder has just been told the Government staff will now clean their own windows.
Slackbladder did not ever clean a single window himself. He left that to Balls Baldrick, IQ 68, age and sex unknown. Slackbladder and his chum, Cap Darling successfully bid for the contract with help from one of Darling's relatives.
As they enjoyed tea and crumpets with Mrs Missmiggins, tea lady extraordinaire to the Treasury, they were saddened to hear that she, too, has lost her catering contract. Treasury staff will need to supply their own hot drinks, limit of two a day, from flasks they bring from home.
The catering contract has been in Mrs Missmiggins family since her great great great grandmother earned the title of "Purveyor of Pie, Eels and Port" to the Treasury in the 19th century.
Mrs Missmiggins, however, has moved swiftly to rent several ex kebab shops, closed for security reasons, which were housed in old Police Boxes in SW1. She has also employed the window cleaners as catering assistants, paying them less than the minimum wage.
"We are in coalition times now just like the War Years" she said, "It's going to be austere days for us all, so Slackbladder and friends should feel lucky to have work at all."
Lord General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay Melchett, Speaker of the House of Commons would only comment, "Let them eat cake."
