In a daring bid to change outdated regulations in the financial sector, Prime Minister Gordon Brown has rewritten the rules of Monopoly.
Mr Brown's new version of the once-popular board game has dramatically reduced the formerly complex rules to a list of 7:
Rule 1: the Banker always wins.
Rule 2: whenever players pass "Go" they pay the Banker £200 billion.
Rule 3 the Banker keeps the Get Out of Jail Free card.
Rule 4: any debts of the Banker are always paid by the other players.
Rule 5: the Banker chooses who is to be Banker.
Rule 6: the Banker may change the rules.
Rule 7: people have to play and are expected to be grateful for the treat.
Provisionally entitled Broonopoly, the revised game had a wildly successful launch in Cowdenbeath. Local housewife Mrs S B said "This is a wonderful alternative to watching the Blue Brazilians holding on for a goalless draw at home against Arbroath smokies."