Leaked Vatican Email Stuns Foreign Office

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Monday, 26 April 2010

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Talk To Ze Hand!

A leaked Vatican email has left Foreign Office officials incensed after suggesting that the Pope should flip his second home whilst on a visit to Britain, the Daily Torygraph revealed today.

Called "The Ideal Visit", the document was believed to be put together by mischievous junior bishops and included a list of situations they would like to see during the pending Papal visit including; having the Pope switch his second home allowance to the Vatican, asking Nick Griffin to set up a Hitler Youth branch of the Scouts and prank calling Andrew Sachs live on Radio 2 shouting "He's shagged your great-grandson!"

The Pope himself was quick to apologize, stating that it was a simple misunderstanding. However he added that "Ze British are not known for zere senze of humour. Ve Germanz and Cassolikz, ve get a leetle crazy, you know? JPII vaz alvayz cracking ze funniez. Telling ze AIDz patients not to vere condoms? Ze guy voz a hoot"

It is not yet known how David Milliband will react. Top body language experts confirmed his facial expressions conveyed a mix of confusion and mild annoyance. However Labour insiders pointed out that he always looked like that, particularly when pleased, hungry, gassy and aroused.

The news could place the Vatican visit, the first in 18 years, in jeopardy and would lower the threat level at Primary Schools everywhere from crying kitty to frowny fox.

The List in Full

  • Keep the Popes ring in his pants for three hours before getting Gordon Brown to kiss it.
  • Suggesting that Gary Glitter be moved between record labels to avoid a scandal
  • Meet David Cameron in an "I Agree With Nick" t-shirt
  • Suggest a Hitler Youth branch of the Scouts to Nick Griffin, it never did the Pope any harm
  • Attempt to switch the Pope's second home to the Vatican.
  • Get the Sistine Chapel repainted on expenses.
  • Prank call Andrew Sachs live on Radio 2, shouting "He's shagged your great-grandson!"
  • Crack down on expenses - Sacking dodgy MP's

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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