Recreating Capt Bligh's 'Bounty' voyage - Brit mutineers

Written by Mike Roberts

Tuesday, 20 April 2010


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"Tonga might be my only chance to ever get laid."

A group of men attempting to recreate the epic 7,000 km (4,350 mile) voyage of Captain William Bligh have had an embarrassing setback, one of their crew has mutinied!

The would be mutineer, 18-year-old Brit Christopher 'Ginger' Wilde, disappeared this morning just before the team were due to set sail from Tonga.

After making a few enquiries we were able to track him down to a nearby bar where we found him drinking a cocktail with his arms around a couple of the local beauties that the island is so well known for.

"I'm a spotty, computer geek, and a ginger one at that." he told us, "My chances of getting a girlfriend in the UK are about the square root of f**k all. This could well be the only shot I ever get at getting laid."

He explained that he'd only volunteered for the trip after watching the film 'The Bounty' starring Mel Gibson. "Seeing all those nearly naked young women going mad for white men I knew I just had to get to Tonga."

Now that I'm here, there's no way I'm going to get into a flimsy boat and spend god knows how long at sea with a bunch of guys I only met a few days ago. I might be desperate for sex, with something other than my right hand, but I'm not THAT desperate!"

When David Wilkinson, the Hong Kong businessman sponsoring the event, heard the news he said, "It's ironic really. The original mutiny started because of the crew's reluctance to leave the pleasures of Tonga. We wanted to recreate that mutiny as closely as possible so we shouldn't really complain that we recreated it TOO well!"

The two other team members, Australians Don McIntyre and David Bryce simply shrugged their shoulders, "I knew we should never have trusted a pommie. Still, look on the bright side, more four-X for us!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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