Outsider Nick Seeks Election Victory By Tackling Iceland

Written by Dynso Osnyd

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

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Nick Guffin, leader of the New Order England Party has promised action against Iceland as the keynote of a campaign to defeat the three major runners in the UK elections.

Speaking from party headquarters, Guffin, 42, says;

"Clegg has shown it is possible to come from behind and end up in front by being good on TV. I can be good on TV too, but I am the only candidate who has a workable plan to tackle the problem that not only Britain, but the World will thank me for acting on. I am the only choice now."

"NOEP have discovered that the Icelanders are at the second major strategic stage in a plot to overthrow Western Civilisation, and only we can stop them. The other parties have been blind to the Icelandic conspiracy for over half a century. Their predecessors even helped them by stationing troops to protect them in the Second World War and our Allies, the Americans, even kept a squadron of fighters there afterwards because the Icelanders sneakily have no armed forces and even managed to get other nations to fund them with billions in aid to help them develop their so-called 'energy project' using the very volcanoes they are now using against Western Civilisation."

"The other parties took almost no action when the Icelanders declared the Cod War in the 70s and started stealing our fish, and then the freeloading Icelanders had the cheek to sell it back to us by using their natural weather conditions to freeze it and send it to secret infiltration units cunningly disguised as retail outlets in British High Streets."

"They sent over the spy, Magnus Magnusson to find out about British Intelligence, and not one of the other parties took the blindest bit of notice. Then they sent Bjork to infiltrate the music industry and steal undercover secrets about our Financial Services Industry, so that they could use our money to cause irretrievable damage to Western economies in the crash of 2008. The evidence screams out to be seen."

"As if the evidence was not clear enough, the other parties have sat back and refused to recognise the clever way these Icelanders have set out to ruin everything that makes Britain great. Our Fish and Chips, our Music Industry, our Financial Services Industry and our cheap airlines which enable thousands of British travellers to take the benefits of our culture to foreigners worldwide. They purposely chose to strike this, their latest blow, to coincide with the Easter holidays. Only NOEP can see the truth. And only NOEP will take the required action."

"As soon as I am Prime minister, I shall order the immediate annihilation of Iceland and the Icelanders. There are only about the same number of them as the population of Wakefield, so it will be economic to use four nuclear warheads the equivalent size of the ones used in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and a small task force can then cap the volcanoes with concrete. That will consign the Icelander problem to history, and I know about history because I done it at University before I swopped to Law."

"Once we save the World from this menace we can get on with saving Britain from all the other foreigners we know about at NOEP, and bring back fish and chips, world beating financial services and cheap holidays in the sun."

Mr Guffin added that if he does not win at the coming election he will ensure that the hung parliament will be forced to call another election with adequate TV opportunities for NOEP.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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