BNP to legalise 'British' drugs

Funny story written by vulcan

Monday, 12 April 2010

image for BNP to legalise 'British' drugs
The BNP cites the historical use of certain drugs as evidence that they should still be available today.

In an improbable turn of events, I can exclusively reveal that the British Nasty Party plans to legalise 'all those recreational substances which are native to the British Isles'.

Under these radical plans, some drugs currently listed as class A, possession of which can result in life imprisonment, would be made legal. This includes certain varieties of 'magic mushroom', including the notorious psilocybe semilanceata, or liberty cap mushroom.

Although the BNP have yet to make an official announcement, one prominent "member" said that 'Prior to the Misuse of Drugs Act 1971, there were no restrictions on the majority of the substances now covered, and our ancestors had been using some of them harmlessly for many thousands of years. Of course, some of the substances on offer to day do serious harm to their users, but that we managed to build an empire covering three quarters of the globe without restricting the use of drugs such as magic mushrooms shows that they have a negligible impact on society'.

I invited members of all three major parties to comment, but have only received a response from the Conservatives, who claim that with their manifesto being launched tomorrow, the BNP are simply trying to make headlines. However, Doctor P. Nut, who recently resigned from the Drugs Advisory Commission over what he calls 'heavy-handed' government drugs policy, welcomed the move, saying that the BNP were the 'only party to look at the true impact of legalising drugs, rather than caving in to pressure for ever-tighter policy'.

However, my sources were a lot less clear about rumours that they would greatly increase the penalties for trafficking drugs, while reducing the sentences awarded to processors, in what is perceived as a mechanism to stop drugs money from going abroad.

'At this stage', I was told, 'it's very hard to say. Nothing like this will be mentioned in the manifesto, but I can't make any promises about what happens if we win the election'.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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