World tension, already engorged with blood, was stroked by the news reporting that the image of the great prophet of Islam was found on a banger.
Outraged by the West's continued indifference to the sacred icon Iran declared war on Great Britain and announced it had not only invaded the tiny republic of Kielbasastan but had decapitated every resident.
World wide response and military retaliation was averted due to the fact no one could determine just where the tiny country was. Although this reporter has disdain for twitter and its unreliability it was the only way to find the truth. Mullah Yabbahda Yabbahda bin Dooh of the watchdog Islam group Jellystone, protectors of the image, clarified the issue. 'It wasn't Kielbasastan…we attacked a kielbasa stand'.
The image in question was a result of retired gay porn star, Dell Dough, and his fledgling and ill fated sausage stuffing and fudge packing business. Mr. Dough apparently was known in his previous employ by his trademarked tattoo which was located on the tip of his penis although this reporter had no idea; I swear. Police reports state he had been abducted from the concession stand in Durham City during another abysmal performance so there were few sober witnesses. His body has yet to be discovered.
"This is a horrible mistake." Dough's partner sobbed. "Dell was as good a fag as they cum and as far as the tattoo is concerned it wasn't even Mohammed; I think it was Darwin but without a turban who can tell the difference? Dell loved that thing."
Refusing to research validity of the image we contacted Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad whose response was expected. "There is only one consistency in Iran's regime and that is any one who displays the image of our most holy prophet will die!"
When asked which great leader of Islam had actually seen the image in order to exact vengeance. "I speak for all true believers."
When pressed that there was only one way to have seen the image, watching gay porn, the official talking head and President for Iran once again delivered an expected response. "It never happened."
