Written by Mr Anorchristic

Saturday, 20 March 2010

image for UK to become ''Immigration Capitol of the World'' by 2012
Polish Pole Dancer, Iliaka Rimurbottomoff Yesterday.

The Home Office has tried to hide shocking new statistics on Polish Immigration to the UK in the last year and were only forced to make the stats public when a Polish Pole Dancer, Iliaka Rimmurbottomoff had the 2inch file shoved into her knickers, whilst working in a sausage factory.

The Secretary of State for Immigration Phil Woollyass was livid at the security leak and made a statement today saying that ''it's simply not true that we are being inundated with super sexy Polish women as the stats say...some of them are dogs, but the majority are gorgeous...and we always follow up on the sexiest ones''.

Polish French Polisher, Ivan Knickurknackeroff said today that ''vee are treated like dogs in the UK...at least its much better than living in Poland...there we are treated like W.O.G.S...you know vord?...Vorkers of the Government...at least here nobody calls me a Vog...I am vite like you no...nostrovia!''

The Home Office, which is trying to cut costs by employing a tribe of Chimpanzees to research and write its statistics, have instead of cutting costs, doubled them, due the massive imports of Bannana's needed to feed the chimps...

Home Office Immigration spokesman, a Mr. Phil Macavity, said today that ''we only let good looking Polish women into the UK...we then get their names and addresses, go round to their houses and shag them for free visa's...It's just one of the perks of the job''.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Immigration, UK

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