London - (Reuterus): Is beautiful, sloe-eyed French WAG Vanessa Perroncel a KGB femme fatale working for Russian oligarchs hellbent on toppling Roman Abramovich from his Chelsea FC fiefdom?
A conspiracy theory website says she's really the temptress daughter of a disgraced former Gorbachev era spy, codenamed Liliput, who settled in the UK and runs a greasy spoon caf just outside Grimsby.
And her supposed boss? Take your pick from MI6 protegee Boris Berezovsky, Tony Blair paymaster-general Alexander Lebedev, Arsenal tycoon Alisher Usmanov and Brunei mobster Prince Jefri Archer.
"Vanessa was groomed to infiltrate the premiership's ultimate prize, Roman Abramovich's scalp," a WAGs/Shag/Slags Anonynmous source said today.
"Her mission was to delve into as many Chelsea players as possible, extract sensitive insider info and feed it to her oligarch paymasters."
So is John Terry's toppling from the England captaincy a bullseye or something of an own goal?
"Vanessa isn't the only WAG working for the Russkies," an LA FagHagSlagMag.con editorial commented today.
"However most of the others are gay and male and hung like stallions."
Isthmian League clubs could be the next target as a drought of insider information in the premier league threatenes to cut off the espionage food chain.
Dame Vera Lynn is 97.
