Written by queen mudder

Saturday, 23 January 2010

image for Al Qaeda planning 'dumb blond granny' suicide bomber
Equipped with flamethrower nipple-guards over the Grossard Balconette Plunge Bra (suicide model) liquid semtex brassiere

London - (Carpet Burns Night): The really moronic-looking geriatric western dumb blond female suicide bomber - modelled on JK Rowling's looks - could be on her way to blow up Tescos on the Isle of Dogs police have said.

New intelligence from the USA says rabid Yemeni wackjobs have studied 1,000s of hours of 1980s' Cagney & Lacey footage to establish realistic looking western drones.

"No more dodgy TNT underpants!" Aden Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine sources were bugged promising today as a consigment of Gorbachev-era KGB-issue liquid semtex wonderbras arrived at an Angel, Islington lock-up.

Meanwhile GCHQ listening posts have picked up "chatter" about blow-up-in-yer-face explosive breast implants that surgeons in Romania are supplying at $50 per tit.

These have the added advantage of escaping airport scanners and are easily activated using underwired brassieres and a pocket radio.

Last week a Mrs Mavis Yeltsin was stopped next to the fish counter at Asda, Brixton High Street, after an off-duty anti-terror cop smelled something peculiar about her embonpoint and took immediate action.

A hasty but thorough body search soon revealed the woman was indeed an early reconnaissance patrol equipped with flame-thrower nipple-guards over her Grossard Balconette Plunge Bra (suicide model) - "the sort that alkies like to wear when they top themselves from the penthouse suite of the George Sank Hotel in Paris".

Interpol have been altered.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Terrorism, al-Qaeda

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