Readers of the tabloids will be aware that Polly-thene Ass former reality pop singer and current underwear model has been cautioned by the Police for defending herself against garden invaders.
Ass, or "Arnie" as her neighbours know her spoke to Katerina BILE of the Daily Mail today stating "I was in my Summerhouse playing the Harpsichord when I saw some lower class gypsy types scaling my 87 foot concrete and barbed wire defensive garden boundary. I'm not stupid I know what these gyspies can do when they steal your souls and eat your kids so I immediately sprang into action to defend my estate."
Neighbour, Hector Mann-Gland took up the tale, "I was in my garden trimming my wife's bush when I heard what can only be described as a World War II air raid siren, the next thing I saw was some grubby urchins who were obviousl;y gypsies arunning across the village green pursued by an Apache Attack helicopter being flown by Polly Ass. It gunned down ten of them in a hail of lead and gore before flying twenty miles to a nearby caravan site where she defensively used depleted uranium on the rest of the buggers."
Nick Griffin of the BNP and Mike Barking of the UKIP defended Klass's actions today as being a defensive move to protect her home and her family.
The fact that the helicopter gunship also took out a primary school, an OAP home and a Convent was just collateral damage.
Griffin said "I stand by an Englishman's right to defend himself, so she had a fully armed attack helicopter in her garden, who doesn't this is the nanny state gone mad, next thing you'll be telling us we can't hold nazi rallies under the sign of the swastika in Trafalgar Sqaure, it's mad I tells yer, mad !"
Victor Knoob-Fromage Chief Constable of Fairyshire Constabulary stated, "Miss Ass has been spoken to about this incident and has received a warning for possession of an offensive weapon and flying without a licence, that as far as we are concerned is the end of the matter."
The Cycle went onto the streets to gauge the public's reaction:
Dave of Barking said "I blame it on the immigrants, they took our jobs and our women, and now an innocent woman's been done for owning a gunship, where will it all end?"
Mick a Gypsy said "Would you not like a bit of scrap sir, how about some tarmac!"
