Brussels - (Sprouts): Baroness Bonkers of Upper Barking is the new Veep to koala bear-faced EU President Herman Van Rumpy-Pumpy.
Gorgon Brown's shoo-in slipped in craftily after a classic Labour backstab put the kybosh up Tony Blair's dream.
A dead-ringer for billionaire Tory bagman Lord Ashcroft of Belize Lady B has all the nous of a neo-noir psychological thriller mastermind - minus the foggiest about the actual plot.
A TV news camera close-up of the Baroness's neck today zoomed in on what could be harness depressions or jugular droop.
"She's a put-together Frankestein from the Downing Street freakshow," political pundit Olly Cromwell claimed on his blog.
"Baroness B's actual foreign policy experience is so limited that she was elected unanimously be all 27 EU member states."
President Rumpy-Pumpy looks like a geriatric Vladimir Pootin.