Socialists have gathered in Chipping Sodbury today to protest about the closure of the local factory, which produces left-handed screwdrivers.
"Hey man," said one crusty student, "You can't stop these people working, man. They deserve jobs. Let's nationalise the factory and we can share the wealth, man! Yeaaaah!"
The factory, owned by Köckmunchen industries of Dortmund, Germany, has produced left-handed screwdrivers since 2007 and has made a loss of 1 million Euros every year since then. A spokesman for the company said, "In total eet eez estimated zat 7 left-handed screwdrivers have been bought in ze UK, vich duz not justify our production of 20 million a year. Zer is simply nein demand for zis ridiculous product! Ve must close ze factory!"
Socialist organisations and trade unions have lodged a formal petition to the government to buy out the factory. It is expected that the closure will lead to the loss of 200 jobs. One socialist protester said, "We must nationalise this factory. Britain could be a world leader in the manufacturer of left-handed screwdrivers, no matter how much it costs." He also confirmed the belief which is widespread among socialists that whenever a factory is closed, the ghost of Karl Marx kills a kitten.
A spokesman for the UK government has refused to even consider nationalisation, saying "No way are we buying this incompetent and useless plant! F***ing commies! F***ing left-handers! Let them all rot in hell! Or on the streets of Britain, whichever they prefer."