Mandy Mandelson has secretly told his Euro colleagues about his anger at Tony Blair for evicting Hitler last week. He said that Tony has betrayed him. Mandy says he and Tony had made a deal. If Mandy went to help Gordon Brown win the British Election, then Mandy would persuade Boris Johnson to let Hitler go live with Tony to give him tips on how to win the Euro election.
Mandy is said to have felt deeply wounded by Tony's duplicitousness, and he was heard to say. "I kept my side of the Bargain and now he's ducked out of his. The minute things started to look good in Europe for Tony, Poor little Dolfie got kicked out on his arse"
I, after infiltrating Mandy's inner circle was in a position to ask question and so asked the following one.
"Poor Little Dolfie?" I asked. "But isn't he the most evil moster who ever walked the face of the earth?"
"Well yes," said Mandy, "but he does know how to win a difficult election. And he's very useful in the war office. When Tony went on holiday to stay at Cliff's house, Dolfie went to stay with George Bush and he declared illegal wars in 17 different countries all on the same day and everyone just let him do it."
"But isn't that quite an evil thing to do?" I asked.
"Well," thought Mandy, "it depends how you spin it. Its all in the history. Two ways of telling every story"
"So what does this mean for Europe?" I asked. "Does this mean that Europe is once again safe from the clutches of a tyranical meglomaniac."
"Yes. I suppose it does." Said Mandy. "There's no way Tony can win, now"
"I meant Hitler."
"Oh," said Mandy, looking around to see if anyone had heard. "Don't tell anyone I said that."
"I won't." I lied.
Both Tony and Dolfie Hitler have refused to comment.
By Katie Frogpond
