Written by Dingwall Johnson

Sunday, 20 September 2009

Prescribing heroine on the NHS could be the way forward when it comes to treating addicts, according to Jack Straw.

The justice secretary's comments come in the wake of a scheme in which heroines were given to addicts in supervised clinics had led to big falls in attempts at world domination.

"The prescription of heroine is not a magic bullet," Straw said.

But in what is being dubbed "a Straw poll", many addicts felt they would be willing to give up shooting up heroines if they were simply given heroines of their own to play with.

Terminator heroine Sarah Connor, once the saviour of mankind in the future, has been seen over the counter at local phramacies.

Ellen Ripley, best known for her roles in the Alien franchise is ready to deal with the most spaced out addicts.

And X Files heroine Dana Scully is the perfect comedown for those seeing little green men.

Straw said: "We're talking Class A heroine."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Drugs, heroin

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